Thursday, August 25, 2011

"The Audible"

We all get annoyed with fast food. There are so many different ways that your fast food experience can go wrong. This one particular is about the initial vibe you get when you first pull up to the drive through. I'm a dick when it comes to quality of service in fast food.  So when I get annoyed, I like to mess with them.

Now I don't know how it may be in your region but in my particular area at a certain restaraunt (I'm not gonna say who!),

"Shut up you fucking dog!!!"

.......there is a place where their initial drive-up greeting is "How are you?". I mean, really? I didn't drive all this way just to tell you how I am! Why don't you just take my order, you fuck! Oftentimes I tell them "I've slipped into the seventh circle of hell! Thanks for asking!" The silence I get afterwards is astounding! Finally I have time to study the menu!

A minute later, I finally get..."I'm sorry to hear that sir, can I take your order?"

Me: "I'm sorry, I thought you wanted to know how I was doing? I see...Now you just want my order?"

Drive thru: "What can I get for you today, sir?"

Me: "Finally! The question I've been waiting for! Why didn't you ask that to begin with, asshole!?"

There is another way I like to mess with them , I call it "The Audible"..
and it goes as follows......

Worker: "Uhh?....Boss?....[That guy] is here again!!"

Boss: "Oh, that guy! I hate that guy! Double the drive thru....put the kitchen on high alert! On the double!!"

Worker: "Should I give him The Greeting , sir?"

Boss: "No! For God's sake, no! You know how he hates "The Greeting"!

Worker: "There's no telling what he might do this time boss! Be ready!"

Worker: "How may I take your order. sir?"

Me: "With the fucking buttons on the computer right in front of you....fucking moron!"


Worker: "Please order when you are ready."


Worker: "What can I get for you today?"

Me: "Hold on god damn it! I'm not fucking ready!"

...more silence...

Me: "Yes I'll have the #5 with a DR. Pepper!......NO....WAIT!!!

Worker: "Oh shit boss! he's changing his order! What do we do?"

"Check check! Half back gordita crunch!....double decker razor! Double decker razor! 55 is Mike! Set hut! hut!"

Boss: "Quick! Get that on speaker!"

Me on speaker: ......."and a taco supreme with extra cheese! With a shit ton of fire sauce! Did you get all that?"

Boss: "Shit!! We're too late!"

Worker: "What do we do now?"

Boss: "Just ring him for $25 and tell him to pull around."

Worker: .....'gulp'....."$25 sir, please pull around."

Me: "25 fucking dollars! Are you serious?"

Worker: 'gulp'..."Here you go sir...please don't hurt me!"

Me: "I'm sorry! I changed my mind! I'm going to McRon's!!



Jono Tosch said...

We used to pull up to the drive-thru box and say, "Yeah, I'll have a pair of jeans." Them: "We don't sell jeans." Us: "Ok, then, I guess I'll just have the jeans." ETC.

CindyE said...

I remember going to a drive thru and when they asked "how may i help you?" asking for directions to the nearest McDonalds.
Fast food is annoying, but I've heard some horror stories from the other side, too! Late night drunk customers, throwing food, making fun of workers, etc. I kinda miss my daughter's stories from McDonald's!

Powdered Toast Man said...

you should ask to speak with the Chihuahua next time.

Bart said...

i always get a mcbang and everyone is always like wtf your a genius so i call em noobs

DWei said...

Oh you're terrible. Funny but terrible. :P

JunkBot said...

This is so funny. I always feel ripped off by fast food. The anticipation is always better than the meal, and they are 10 times more likely to stuff orders up than proper establishments.


Anonymous said...

brinkka2011 says: I think you should use more images on your blog, but besides that, it is really great. Cheers.

The Sleepy Bard said...

This. Is why I love discovering new bloggers. OMG, Dan I laughed so hard I had a stroke, pissed my pants, AND my husband looked at me funny and wanted to know what I was reading that was so funny. Through my tears, and snorting, and gasping, I managed, "This . . . dude. . . is . . . fucking . . ." And that was all. It took me almost 5 min to calm down enough to even type a comment.